I'm Glad I Can't Speak Russian

Most of the time I wouldn't agree with the sentiment of that title because it is very frustrating to not understand what is going on around you. However it was a great blessing today because lack of language saved me from being very rude to an old grandad. I was on a bus standing near the back door and this old guy got on and as he pulled himself up he bumped into me and muttered at me in Russian at which point I got annoyed with him. However not being able to speak Russian back all I could say was 'I don't speak much Russian, I don't understand'. I did say it with as much sarcasm as possible and when he proceeded to stand on my foot as he sat down I wanted to say a heck of a lot more.

The moral of the story is this: Being able to speak a language enables you to communicate but it also enables you to be extremely hurtful and nasty to those who can understand you. I often open my mouth without thinking about what I'm going to say. Here I can't and that's good.

National Men's Day

Today is National Men's Day in Russia. So to all you men out there you have Russia's permission to feel good about being a man at least for today.

On a Freshly Fallen Silent Shroud of Snow

Snow is an industry here in Moscow what with all the people that are employed to clear it off the streets. There are crews who get up before the crack of dawn to scrape the snow off the roads and private driveways and wake you up with the noise. There are the snow plow crews and then we have the 'snow eater' it's the only way I can describe it. These big machines literally eat snow and then send it up a conveyor belt into the truck that follows it. I wish I had a picture of one to post. I'll try and find one.

For those who noticed that the title of this post was another S and G reference here is the song it comes from.

I Am a Rock

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I’ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don’t talk of love,
But I’ve heard the words before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armour,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

More Chickens

The Burning Hearts Revolution: Why did the T-rex cross the road?

Headless Chickens

Imagine this scenario:

There is a headless chicken and
It drives a motorcycle and
The motorcycle has a sidecar which
Contains a dog which
Is also headless

There is a man with
A beard which
Is the length of the Volga River (2,300 miles or 3,700 km)
His beard is stuck in the engine of the motorcycle

The motorcycle is travelling at
An incredible speed such that
It doesn't sink whilst
Crossing the Pacific Ocean
This means that the man is
Water skiing very fast

If the motorcycle were to reach the coast then
The man would drown so
In order for this not to happen
The motorcycle must travel in
Very Large circles

Old Friends

Just had an email today from an old uni friend and it reminded me that I've been a bit lousy at keeping in touch. It's amazing how quickly you move on when you change location especially moving countries.
Anyway the title of this post is also the title of a Simon and Garfunkel song and a friend and I have been trying to mention as many as possible this year as and when they crop up in conversation so here is my first excuse to put one my blog.

Old friends, old friends,
Sat on their parkbench like bookends
A newspaper blown through the grass
Falls on the round toes
of the high shoes of the old friends

Old friends, winter companions, the old men
Lost in their overcoats, waiting for the sunset
The sounds of the city sifting through trees
Settles like dust on the shoulders of the old friends

Can you imagine us years from today,
Sharing a parkbench quietly
How terribly strange to be seventy
Old friends, memory brushes the same years,
Silently sharing the same fears

If anyone wants to give me an excuse to use another one feel free.

Spring Has Sprung

It is officially the start of Spring here in Russia and also the day in the Orthodox Calendar when Jesus was brought to the Temple. It has warmed up to a nice -13°C in honour of the occasion and the forecast is predicting that we'll be up near freezing by the middle of next week.
You may think that this is a good thing and in many ways it is but we have already seen the slush and water that occurs from thawing snow and it makes life miserable. Having said that this only occurs if you look at your feet and so for the next few months my plan for avoiding misery is not to look down. This will be useful in other ways to especially if I decide to climb any tall buildings or get stuck somewhere high up.

Hello this is my new blog which will generally consist of crazy things that happen to me and my strange sense of humour.